


With Every Passing Day (I'd Be Lying if I Didn't Say That I Miss Them All Tonight)

by Larry_Klaine_Stylinson



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Plane Crashes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-27
Updated: 2013-04-27
Packaged: 2017-12-09 14:45:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/775414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Larry_Klaine_Stylinson/pseuds/Larry_Klaine_Stylinson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry was spending some time out in L.A. and therefore was not on the same flight as the rest of the lads on the way to their show in France. He finds out some tragic news about their flight, and his life spirals downward from there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	With Every Passing Day (I'd Be Lying if I Didn't Say That I Miss Them All Tonight)

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written as a prompt fill on Tumblr.
> 
> I was asked to write something based on The Light Behind Your Eyes by My Chemical Romance, and this was the first thing that came to me. The title comes from lyrics from that song as well. Enjoy!

Harry had been spending some time out in L.A. while they were on their short break from the tour. L.A. was nice around this time of year. Sunny and warm, but not too hot. Just right. He had a few friends who lived out in L.A. and they were nice enough to let him stay with them whenever, so he didn't have to stay at a hotel all by himself.

He was boarding a flight to France now, though, and would be meeting the boys at their hotel there. They had a concert tomorrow and they all needed to get a good night's rest. Harry couldn't wait to see Louis again and kiss him and hug him and just cuddle with him as they slept. He liked traveling and visiting his friends in L.A. of course, but he always missed Louis. And he knew Louis missed him. He also knew that Louis had surely been spending a lot of time with Eleanor while Harry himself had been away, and Louis tended to get extra clingy after a long while with El.

He got on the plane and turned off his phone, shoving it into his bag. He sat there, drumming on his knees as everyone boarded the flight. He was sitting first class, as usual. He really wouldn't have minded just sitting in the main area of the plane, but management didn't feel safe with him there. He sometimes hated all the special treatment he got. He didn't really think he deserved it.

There was an old woman who entered the first class cabin and he smiled at her, wondering how she'd managed to get such a nice seat. She must have been rich. She ended up sitting next to him, and he smiled at her.

"Hello, sonny." She greeted, and Harry grinned.

"H'lo, miss."

"You're from that little boy band, aren't you? My granddaughter has pictures of you all over her walls." She told him. She then leaned in, as if telling him a secret. "Don't tell her I said that, though. She'll hunt me down."

Harry laughed. He quite liked elderly women. They were funny.

"Your secret's safe with me."

Harry was surprised when she didn't ask for a picture or an autograph of some sort. Maybe she assumed it would be a bother. It wouldn't have been, though. Harry liked doing things for the fans, and if her granddaughter was a fan he would have gladly signed something for her.

"So, traveling to France then?" Harry asked her.

"Oh, yes. My husband Herbert and I used to go every year. He passed a decade ago, but I've kept on going. I'm pretty sure his spirit meets me there at this little cafe we used to go to."

"That's really lovely." Harry smiled.

They were mostly silent after that, and Harry was okay with that, really. He was tired and he just wanted to see Louis. At one point he closed his eyes, and the next thing he knew, the little old woman was shaking him awake and telling him they'd landed. She thanked him for being such a nice flight companion, and he nodded, although he wasn't sure how much of a companion he'd really been since he'd been sleeping.

He got up and stretched, grabbing his overhead bag before exiting the plane, dropping by the luggage carousel to grab his suitcase, and then heading outside to the car that had been called for him. He knew it would be waiting there, and when he stepped out of the doors he saw it. He walked over to it, and the driver got out, attempting to help him with his suitcase.

"I've got it." Harry told him with a warm smile. "Thanks, though, mate."

After putting his suitcase into the boot of the car, he climbed into the back seat. He pulled his phone out of his bag and saw that he had six missed calls from his mum and one from management. Management were probably just checking in to see if his flight had gotten in alright, but his mum seemed like she needed something, so he called her first.

It rang three times, and when she answered Harry heard a loud sniff, "Harry, I'm so sorry."

"What?" Harry asked. "What do you mean you're sorry?"

"Harry, the boys were on a flight this morning and...And the plane crashed. It crashed, Harry, I'm so sorry."

"Are they in the hospital?" Harry asked urgently. "I've got to get there. Where are they?"

"Harry, I don't know anything. No one will tell me. You'd best call your management, love. They'll know."

"Okay." Harry said, his brain working on autopilot now. "Bye, mum."

"Bye, Harry. I love you!"

"I love you, too."

Harry hung up the phone, and by this point they had pulled up outside the hotel. He got out and thanked the driver before going inside and checking into the room that would've been his and Louis' had the other boys arrived as planned.

Once in the room he called management back and listened in a daze as they explained that there were no survivors. Everyone on the plane had died in the crash. All of his band mates were dead. They were all gone. Louis was gone. Practically everyone he loved was gone. His band was gone. His life might as well have been gone.

He hung up the phone without saying a word and dropped to the ground. He tugged on his hair in frustration. He knew he needed to cry but the tears wouldn't come, part of his brain still in denial about it all. They couldn't all be dead. The boys he'd spent the last three years of his life with practically every day couldn't just be gone forever. This was a joke. Some sick prank, and Louis was going to pop into the room any second and tell him he was sorry for scaring him, but they just wanted some big prank for Harry's return.

He waited and waited and waited, but Louis never appeared. No one called to tell him it was all a prank.

Because it wasn't.

The realization hit him hard and he bypassed plain tears and went straight to heart wrenching sobs that shook his whole body as he lay down on the floor and curled up into a ball, his knees touching his chin. He cried and sobbed until he began choking and sputtering for air and then he sobbed some more. At one point he was certain no tears were coming out, that he'd used them all up, and yet he still continued to cry. His phone rang next to him but he couldn't answer. He could hardly breathe, let alone speak.

Once his crying died down he just laid there. He couldn't move. He wasn't even sure if he was blinking. He was just staring straight ahead with bleary eyes. He wasn't sure how long he stayed that way. A few minutes or a few hours. Maybe even a few days. He felt numb.

He managed to roll over and pick up his phone, dialing his voicemail and hearing a message from his mum, "Sweetie...I just got a call from Jay." His mother said, followed by a sob and a gulping breath. "Harry, love, I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry. Come home and I'll do whatever I can."

There was nothing she could do, though. She couldn't bring Zayn back. Zayn, his best mate. The one he always went to for advice. If he was having relationship troubles with Louis he could always talk to Zayn, and Zayn would fix it. He always knew what to say to fix anything.

She couldn't bring Liam back. Liam, the one who took care of everyone. The one who put everyone else's needs before his own. The one who broke up all their small fights and reminded them how much they all meant to each other. The one who protected them from anything that they might need protecting from.

She couldn't bring Niall back. Niall, who always had a joke to tell or a laugh to share. Niall, who always knew how to make anyone smile, no matter how sad or grumpy they may have been. Niall, whose laughter could fill even the largest of rooms, and whenever you heard it, you couldn't help but laugh as well, even if you weren't in on the joke.

And most importantly, she couldn't bring Louis back. Louis, the love of his life. The one person who meant more to him than life itself. The person who had seen him at his worst and still loved him. The person who had helped him to become the best him he could be. The person who had met him when he was still young and a little bit afraid of how fame might change the five of them, but had assured him that they'd all be alright as long as they had each other. The person who he held in his arms every time he got the chance. The person he wanted to spend forever with. Louis, his life.

His mother couldn't bring his band mates back. She couldn't bring his best mates back. She couldn't bring his lover back. She couldn't bring his life back. His mother couldn't help.

Harry managed to crawl up onto the bed and tuck himself in under the covers. He felt cold and lonely in the large bed without Louis there next to him, holding him and tucking his face into the crook of his neck. He needed Louis' arms around him, holding him tightly until everything bad in the world faded away. But Louis was gone, and he wasn't coming back, and Harry wasn't sure if there was anything in the world that wasn't bad anymore.

He closed his eyes and more tears fell, and eventually, he was asleep.

000

Harry stayed in that hotel room for two weeks. Two whole weeks. Never even leaving the bed, except to use the toilet. He'd ordered room service twice a day, so he wasn't starving or anything. He doubted he would have been able to feel it if he was, though. He felt nothing. He had had a constant pain in his chest for the first three days, and then suddenly nothing. It was a welcome change, really. At least it wasn't pain.

There was a knock on the door, and he was expecting it to be the maid. When he opened it, however, he came face to face with his mother.

"Mum?" He asked. "What are you doing here?"

"I've come to bring you home, Harry. The last thing you need is to be left alone right now and I'm worried sick about you. You look like you haven't slept in days."

If Harry was being honest, he didn't know whether he'd been sleeping or not. He felt constantly stuck between sleep and consciousness, so who was really to say when he was or wasn't sleeping?

"Harry, love, you need to come home. You're my baby boy and I miss you and I'm not leaving this doorway until you grab your bags and come with me."

Harry sighed, walking over to his suitcase that had been laying right where he dropped it since he first entered the hotel room. He hadn't changed once in his time in the hotel. He figured he must smell terrible, and he mentally thanked his mother for not commenting on it.

She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and led him out to her car, "Robin and your sister are waiting at home." She told him. "We've all been worried sick, Harry."

"Sorry I never called you back, mum. I just...I couldn't."

He'd sent her a text on the second day, after ignoring nearly twenty calls, just to let her know that he was alright and she needn't keep calling. He hadn't been alright, though, and obviously she knew that.

She was silent the entire way back to Holmes Chapel, the radio playing softly, and every song managed to remind Harry of some event he and the boys had attended, or some game of FIFA they'd played, or some date with Louis. But he didn't cry. He didn't want his mum to worry even more.

When they arrived in the driveway of their little home in Holmes Chapel, Harry got out of the car. Sometimes he really appreciated the fact that his mum hadn't moved into a big fancy house in London even though she could afford it now, and this was one of those times. The quaint little house felt welcoming and comforting to him. He made his way inside and told his mum he was going to take a shower.

It felt nice to finally be getting clean after so many days of not showering. He got out and toweled off, putting on a pair of sweats and an old jumper, realizing too late that the jumper was, in fact, Louis'. He brought it up to his cheek, just nuzzling his face into it, and let a few tears fall. He missed him so much.

He went downstairs and there sat Gemma, Robin and his mum. They all gave him careful smiles, and he smiled back, plopping down in a chair in the living room and tucking his feet up underneath him.

"I've got a pecan pie in the oven, Harry." Anne told him.

Harry nodded, biting his lip and picking at his fingernails.

Gemma stood up then, rushing over to him and scooping him into her arms, "I wish there was something I could do, baby brother. I miss them, too." She whispered.

Harry began to cry then, his entire body shaking with the sobs that wracked his body. Gemma held him tight, rocking him back and forth a bit and kissing his damp hair.

"I love you, Gem." Harry muttered into her shoulder.

"I love you, too. I'm so glad you came back home. I was so worried about you."

"I'm still worried about me." Harry admitted in hushed tones, not wanting to worry his mum or his step father.

"You're going to be okay. I know you will."

000

The next week went by in a blur of hugs from Gemma and comfort food from his mother and reassuring pats on the back from Robin. He'd spoken with management a few times, but he wasn't really sure what the point was. One Direction was over. They ended up wishing him luck with the rest of his life and telling him goodbye, and Harry was more than glad to have them out of his life.

They'd offered to sign him as a solo artist, but he declined. Because although that had been his dream when he'd first auditioned for the X Factor all that time ago, it wasn't his dream anymore. His dream had died along with his band mates.

Eight days after his mother had brought him home, he'd gotten a call from Eleanor. He'd debated for ages before answering, but found that he couldn't ignore her.

"Harry, I just wanted to let you know that I hate the fact that I was the last one to see him before he boarded that plane. I had no right to be the last one to see him out of the two of us, and I just wanted you to know that whenever he and I were hanging out outside of the public eye, all he ever talked about was you. And I know he misses you, but I know he'd want you to pick up and move on and be okay. I hope you and I can be friends some day, Harry. I know you don't like me very much, and you've got every right not to. But just know that I loved you and Lou together, and I hated being the one keeping you apart. It was my job, but that doesn't mean I enjoyed it."

She'd said it all so quickly. Harry was fairly certain she hadn't even taken a breath.

"Thank you." He choked out around the tears that had started to fall. "I'll keep in touch, El. Really."

"Good. Just...If you need anything, I'll be here."

"Thanks. Really, El. Thank you."

"Any time."

"Bye."

"Bye, Harry."

Harry left his room then, making his way down the stairs. Gemma saw him crying and hopped up from the couch, asking him what was wrong.

"El called."

"That bitch!" Gemma said. "What did she say? I ought to call her and-"

"Gem, no." Harry shook his head. "She was really sweet. It was all very sweet."

Gemma pulled Harry into her arms then, hugging him tight.

000

A few days later Harry got a call from Perrie.

"H'lo?"

"Harry, love." Perrie began, tears evident in her voice. "I know how much you must miss Louis. I miss Zayn, too. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like losing your whole band on top of the man you love. But just know that I understand what you're going through."

"Yeah." Harry gulped. "Yeah. I should've called to see how you were doing."

Harry and Perrie were never best friends, but they got on well, and he loved her with Zayn.

"No. Don't you go feeling bad over that." She told him. "I needed time just like you did. We should get tea sometime and you can tell me all of your embarrassing stories about Zayn and we can laugh about 'em together, yeah? And I can tell you what I thought about all you lads before I met you."

"That sounds lovely, Perrie. I'll call you, okay?"

"'Course. Whenever you're ready, Harry. Don't rush yourself."

"Thank you. And Perrie?"

"Yeah?"

"I hope you're alright."

"I will be. And you will be, too."

"Bye, Perrie.

"I'll see you soon."

Harry hung up then. He wasn't so sure Perrie was right, though. He wasn't sure he would be okay. Not even a second went by that he didn't miss Louis and the rest of the boys. Sometimes he'd go to call them, to see how they were doing with all of this, and then remember that the reason he felt so awful was because they were gone.

He just didn't know what to do.

000

That night he was lying in bed, staring blankly at the ceiling, when he heard a soft knock at the door.

"Come in!" He called.

His mother came slowly into the room carrying a cup of hot cocoa with marshmallows.

"Sweetie, I've been giving you your space, but we need to talk about this." She said, sitting down at the foot of his bed and handing him the hot drink.

He took a large sip, the chocolatey goodness warming up his insides, "Okay." He nodded.

"I know this was a tragedy, and I know it's hard to move on, but you've got to."

Harry shook his head, "I can't. Don't you get it, mum? The last three years of my life have been nothing but those lads and now they're gone. They're gone and I'm here all alone. I have no band, and my best mates are dead. The love of my life is gone and he's not coming back, mum." Harry began to sob then. "I just want Louis back, mummy. I just want him back."

Anne took the mug out of his hands and set it on his bedside table before wrapping him up tightly in her arms, "I know you do, baby. I know you do. And if he could come back you know that he would. But like you said, he can't. He's gone. And I know you miss him and I'm not asking you to stop missing him. I doubt you ever will. What I am asking you to do is move on, yeah? Maybe go out with your sister for some drinks."

"I don't want to go out with anyone."

"I know you don't, love. But it's what's best. You've lost the light in your eyes. You're not my baby boy anymore." She told him, kissing him on the top of the head. "I want my baby boy back."

"I don't know if I can be that person anymore." Harry shook his head.

"You know who wouldn't want you to lose the light in your eyes?" Anne asked, and Harry knew the answer before she told him. "Louis. Louis would hate to see you this way, especially because of him. Louis loved your eyes, yeah? He'd want to see them shining and happy. He'd want you to pull yourself together. You've taken your time to grieve. Just try to move on now, love. Don't forget Louis. Never forget him. But move on."

Harry began to sob again, tucking his face into his mother's shoulder, "I think I might go to tea with Perrie tomorrow."

"Is she doing alright?"

"She is. She wants to reminisce a bit. I think maybe that'll help me to move on, you know?"

"I think that's a brilliant idea." Anne told him, giving him a kiss on the head before leaving him to get some sleep.

000

The next day, Harry called Perrie and they went out for tea together. They chatted about Zayn, and she told him some things he hadn't known, and he told her some stories from when they'd just gotten put together as a group. He told her about all of the pranks they all pulled, and she told him about how she'd always loved Louis, back when she was just a fan. She told him about how Jesy always thought that he and Louis were so cute together, and he told her that he felt the same way about her and Zayn.

When they parted ways, they vowed to speak more often, and Harry was certain they would become close friends.

000

A few weeks later he managed to get an article out about his and Louis' relationship. Now that the band was over, there was no use in hiding it anymore, and he wanted the fans to know the truth. He wanted everyone to know the truth.

He'd gotten so many tweets over the past month, but after the article ran he was completely bombarded. Everyone was crying or telling him how sorry they were. Some girls were upset, wishing they'd been able to know while Louis was still alive, and Harry felt the same way.

He had to stop looking at Twitter.

But when his mum brought home the magazine with the article, Harry read it through, smiling brightly. He looked at the pictures of he and Louis together and read the stories he'd revealed to the magazine author. Gemma plopped down next to him, reading over his shoulder.

"You look happy, baby brother."

Harry looked at her, his smile reaching his eyes for the first time in a long time, "For the first time since it happened, I think I'm going to be."


End file.
